screenshotsofdespair:

cassyphace:

kidzbopdeathgrips:

sweetbabyraysgourmetsauces:

I was at a party last night and this weird nerd guy was screaming and punching the wall whenever he missed at beer pong and I cornered him later and I was like “Hey, can I give you some constructive criticism?” And he was like “Uhh ok.” And I was like “People would like you a lot more if you weren’t going around screaming and punching walls like a fucking creep.” And he got really scared and asked “Are you going to kill me?” And I literally dont understand how he got that from what I said. I think I’m scarier than I realize.

you shoulda killed him just as a power move

“Not this time.”

tchaikovskaya:

tchaikovskaya:

im extremely nosy but i dont have loose lips and thats the best combination tbh im not here to spread rumors or hurt anyone im only in it for the knowledge of everyone’s business i wont tell anybody but i NEED to possess ALL of the secrets

me hearing all the different sides of the story because everyone involved has told me directly what their take on the situation is but not saying anything and just watching it unfold like a intensely dramatically ironic shakespearean play with an audience of one (1) which is ME 

whetavar:

Me: dangling hand off bed
Demon: *grabs it*
Me: what are we

builtfjordtuff:

sharplmages:

i dont play overwatch but congratulations on the lesbians

I don’t play overwatch but congratulations on the gay grandpa

Actual conversation I just had

jessicamiriamdrew:

My 7 year old son: So if a boy likes another boy, he’s gay?

Me: Maybe. But it’s not just gay or straight. There’s lots of things a person can be.

My son, nodding wisely: Like Jewish.